Comic Relief

(Check back often for new 

Comic Relief!)

"The phrase " working mother " is   redundant." 
-Jane Sellman-

"I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears  makes one you can ride on."   
-Roseanne Barr-

"I try to take one day at a time,  but sometimes several days attack me at once."   
-Jennifer Unlimited-

"When women are depressed they  either eat or go shopping. Men invade  another country."

 Elayne Boosler-

"When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a  hearing loss. And they called ME slow!"  
-Kathy Buckley-

 These are captions submitted by my readers for Wordless Wednesday Posts!

jhitomi said...
But they told me that there would be cute girls here!
Karen said...
WHAT?!! There are going to be WOLVES and BEARS here?!!
Xmas Dolly said...
HOW many teeth do you have to have for that badge? One, Two, Three...




 Hannah said…Was this REALLY necessary?

Niecey

That's weird, last time I looked I swear there was a fawn, and a lamppost and a forest...



MageeBaby said..."And then this monster alligator came out of nowhere and chomp chomp and that's how her favorite toy got broke. Reeeally!"



Regina said...
"Yeah...I said NO VACANCIES"




Candygirlsisland said...
"Hehe... am I sneaky or what? He still doesn't know I'm in the boat. Boy am I in trouble when he finds out, good thing i can swim"

There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.
-- Peter de Vries

Everyone can identify with a fragrant garden, with the beauty of sunset, with the quiet of nature, with a warm and cozy cottage.

Thomas Kinkade Quotes 

Your children tell you casually years later what it would have killed you with worry to know at the time. 
Mignon McLaughlin 

"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning."

Short funny quotes, Anonymous.  

"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
— James Dent

“If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.” 
George Bernard Shaw quotes

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas” 
Paula Poundstone quotes

When you have children yourself, you begin to understand what you owe your parents.
-- Japanese Proverb

"All these kids yours mister?  Or is this a picnic?", "They're all mine, and believe me it's no picnic." 

quote from Cheaper By The Dozen

Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children. ~ Sam Levinson.

Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker. funny Anonymous quotes

How many dogs does it take to change a pond filter?

Border Collie: Just me. I'll also upgrade your filter and put in new plumbing.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you want to        clean a pond filter?

Basset Hound: Did you say something?

Poodle: I'll just blow in the border collie's ear, and he'll do it. By the time he finishes with the plumbing, my grooming will be complete.

Shih Tzu: (Fails to respond, continues to bark at squirrels.)

German Shepard: Five. One to hold the filter in place, one to turn the plumbing valves, one to remove the filter, one to clean the filter, and one to bark orders.

Rottweiler: Make me.

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. ~ Harry S Truman

“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.” Erma Bombeck quotes

But the place which you have selected for your camp, though never so rough and grim, begins at once to have its attractions, and becomes a very centre of civilization to you: “Home is home, be it never so homely.

-Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862), U.S. philosopher, author, naturalist 

Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. 

Benjamin Franklin, letter to Jean-Baptiste Leroy, November 13, 1789

They that can give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. 

Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759

Where liberty dwells, there is my country. 

Benjamin Franklin (attributed), letter to Benjamin Vaughn, March 14, 1783

Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils,

plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy

as seeing what brings a smile to your face.

- Teresa Watkins, 

If you change lines, 

the one you just left will start 

to move faster

 than the one you are now in. 

-- O'Brian's Law 

"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them."

— Eeyore, from A. A. Milne's Winnie the Pooh

Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn 

off one light in the kitchen? Three.

 It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say,

 "I didn't turn it on."” 

Erma Bombeck quotes

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.

-- William D. Tammeus

The other day Nails was playing the piano when all of the sudden he pipes up with:

"They should have made us with seven fingers... 

Besides, there are seven days in a week!"

I'm not quite sure what he meant, but no doubt it was profound!