It's my personal feeling, that if we pay more attention to the kind of friend WE should be, then we will eventually attract good friends.The trends of today present difficult situations for each of us. All too often good is called bad and bad is considered good. I appreciate the scriptures, because they keep me focused on what is REAL... morality, kindness, honesty, integrity, virtue.
When evaluating what kind of friend you are, ask yourself this question: "Do I want to be the kind of friend that encourages these values or the kind of friend that just goes along with whatever happens?"
Good is still good and bad is still bad. I want to be the kind of friend that helps others want to be the best they can be...sometimes that means I'm my only friend, and President Thomas S Monson says that's okay!
"My young friends, be strong. The philosophies of men surround us. The face of sin today often wears the mask of tolerance. Do not be deceived; behind that facade is heartache, unhappiness, and pain. You know what is right and what is wrong, and no disguise, however appealing, can change that. The character of transgression remains the same. If your so-called friends urge you to do anything you know to be wrong, you be the one to make a stand for right, even if you stand alone. Have the moral courage to be a light for others to follow. There is no friendship more valuable than your own clear conscience, your own moral cleanliness—and what a glorious feeling it is..."
We need to be an example to others, because the media is sure making it difficult to determine what good friends are all about. I watched a current teen movie the other day and was surprised at the behavior that was considered the norm. Friends encouraging eachother to get even with an enemy, immorality was praised, immodesty encouraged and so forth. These type of actions are not what good friends want for eachother.
If we want to be a good friend, we need courage. Sometimes we will find ourselves in situations that are compromising. We will have to stand for what is going to help our friends see that we care about what is best for them and for ourselves. Surprisingly, if we stand up and make our desires for good known, our friends will usually latch on to our courage and will join us.
BUT, this isn't always the case. Sometimes we'll be teased, ridiculed, or even shunned. We need to understand that that's okay. Everyone has to make their own choices and everyone has to live with their own choices. When I go to bed at night I want to know that I can live with my choices.
An example is my husband, CL. At his work he's known as the man who doesn't swear, smoke, drink, or participate in dirty jokes and stories. Some of the guys at work kid him, but most of them admire him and respect him. When he walks into a room and someone is swearing or telling a dirty joke, they'll stop because they don't want to offend him. They know they can count on CL to be a good friend and that he wants them to be the best they can be. His example goes a long way! (Plus he's so dang cute and sweet, who wouldn't want him for a friend!)
Our friends need to know they can rely on us to uplift and strengthen them.
This is a great post, Ms. Becky. I know I've not always been the best friend, but the problem was that I didn't choose the right friends to be best friends with. I've always tried to give the "benefit of the doubt" (future blog post, maybe?!?!?) and our daughter tells me that I just keep on giving it even though I've seen that people don't deserve it. I was really burned by a couple of "friends" a year, or so ago because I wouldn't listen to that gut feeling that I had that they weren't all they were "cracked up to be"!!! Live and learn. Since then, I've been very, very limited to the people I allow into my life until I'm sure and God gives the green light!!! My hubby got the same reputation on his job, too. Some of the men took up money to buy the supervisor a bottle of liquor for CHRISTmas (how sad is that) and Jack wouldn't give. The supervisor found out and made life very rough for Jack...but he stood his ground. He did the same thing in the church we left and nobody would stand behind him, even though they had taken the same stand themselves, but they chose to go along with the crowd. God is good and He has blessed us thru Jack's obedience in both of those situations!!! Well, I think I've just written my blog post right here on your blog!!! ;-) Love you bunches, sweet Lady!!!
ReplyDeleteDeb, I think it would be better to be 'guilty' of giving others the benefit of the doubt, than the opposite. You are such a kind hearted person and that's a great gift. HUGS!
DeleteVery true Becky. I try and treat people how I would like to be treated and try to stand on my values and integrity. Being a good friend is not being a door mat but holding on to your convictions and keeping your boundaries. I agree with Debbie that there have been people that have come my way that I gave the benefit of the doubt and I turned out to be wrong about them but they can never say that I didn't believe in them and try to help them as a friend. The verse I found that helped me when I was done wrong by friends is "Shake the Dust from Your Feet" - Luke 9:3-5
ReplyDeleteIn July 1830, Joseph Smith, Jr., founder of the Latter Day Saint Movement, dictated his first revelation referencing the practice, said to be the words of Jesus directed to Smith and Oliver Cowdery, directing them as follows:
"And in whatsoever place ye shall enter, and they receive you not, in my name ye shall leave a cursing instead of a blessing, by casting off the dust of your feet against them as a testimony, and cleansing your feet by the wayside." (Phelps 1833, p. 57)
So obviously I'm not the first one that found comfort from this method. :)
The verse you're referring to is found in the Doctrine and Covenants 24:15. The Doctrine and Covenants is a set of scripture which is a record of the LDS church in it's earlier years. It records the revelations given primarily to the latter-day prophet Joseph Smith Jr.
DeleteGrace, did you know that I'm a member of this church? Often members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are refered to as Mormons.
Thank you for researching this verse and sharing it with us. Joseph Smith also wrote this verse, also known as the 13th Article of Faith:
We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.
I agree that there are times when we need to remove ourselves from harmful relationships and that it's not easy.
Awesome post! I totally get what you are saying about people calling good bad and bad good.I have a teenager and when I fuss her about not following what the crowd is doing,her comment is"mom,its normal now a days for teens to do that"..really?So smoking,drinking,swearing,lust,drugs,etc. is normal now?I don't think so but I think it is a lie the devil has fed our kids through media.She had a hard freshman year.Got in to some trouble,followed the crowded and had fake friends.She only found out the beginning of this school year that her friends were fake and it wasn't worth all the mess and trouble to follow the crowd.She feels lonely alot but she has decided she rather have real friends who will bring her up not down.
ReplyDeleteSatan can be very subtle and deceptive with our teens. so glad your daughter saw what her 'friends' were really like. I'll be praying she can find a good friend soon! Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteGood to hear that you are so positive and I too have been trying my best to be a good friend to those around me while removing toxic ones which may harm me in the process.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. Good friends are a treasure. I'm sure your friends appreciate your example of true friendship.
DeleteThis is a great post. It has given me a lot to think about, both in what kind of friend I am and in how I talk to my sons about friendship. I truly hope that they will understand some day, "If your so-called friends urge you to do anything you know to be wrong, you be the one to make a stand for right, even if you stand alone." (they are only 4 and 2 now, but we are laying the foundation, right?) Thank you!
ReplyDeleteLaying a firm foundation while your boys are young will bless them their entire life. Yay for you sweet mama!
DeleteGood friends are really hard to find. Once we find them, we should treat them like gold.
ReplyDeleteYour husband sounds like a true angel. He seems to have such a positive influence on people he comes across.
I want to be a good friend myself. It'll take some work...
I don't think any of us are in the exact place we want to be, but the key is to start where we are and move forward. President Gordon B Hinkley said we should try to be just a little better today then we were yesterday. (Small steps are easier for me.) Happy Monday!
DeleteWe are all here for such a short time, I agree, we should be spending those precious moments helping each other and pushing each other to be the best we can be! Your husband seems like he is one that others look to lead by example. Great post!
ReplyDeleteThanks Theresa, my husband is a great man. Imagine how cool our world would be if everyone practiced your comment about 'helping and pushing each other to be the best we can be!'
DeleteI try and be a really good friend. I've had the same friends since high school and some more since college.
ReplyDeleteThat's great! You are a very good friend.
DeleteI love that CL stands on his own for what he believes. I like people who don't cave to fit in.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lisa, it is comforting for me to know he's a man of integrity. Just from reading your blog, you sound like a woman that doesn't cave-in either.
DeleteEnjoyed this post today. I think the key word is Compromise. I taught a lesson on Compromise years ago and I was amazed at just how much we as "Christians" do compromise for the sake of .....friends...family....co/workers! I could write you a book on the things in my life that God has spoken to my heart on "DO NOT COMPROMISE" there and I listened and was so glad I did. It has cost my some friends, a high paying job, and yes, even some Christian extended family members. I have stood alone on particular issues at times and all in all....it has okay! God has so graciously replaced the things I lost with the things He wanted for me and it has been the best thing ever! "What is a man to gain if he looses his soul"....I am currently teaching the Not a Fan series and woa! Just last Wed. our video was on compromising in the work place! Thanks for this post and I appreciate your insight. Hugs and blessings, Cindy
ReplyDeleteCompromising and justifying are the 2 biggest tools Satan uses. I think you're awesome to be so involved in helping others choose the right. Bless you in teaching the 'Not a Fan' series. I'm not familiar with it, if you get some time I'd like to know more about it. Thanks!
DeleteI can relate to your husband's work scenario. You quickly gain a reputation (sometimes teasingly) for being a party pooper but most people will clean up their speech in your present. Great piece
ReplyDeleteI ♥ party poopers who are choosing to stand for the right!
DeleteWhat an insightful post, Becky! We've been trying to teach this to our kids, on a more "what kind of sibling do you want to be" arena, but the principle is the same. Coupled with the golden rule, both seem to be a solid foundation for moral character.
ReplyDeleteIf our kids can learn to be true friends then they can usually do the same with other psople. Yay for you sweet mama!
DeleteThis is such a nice post as it made me reflect and really ask myself what kind of friend I want to be. Thanks for the reminder, Becky Jane! Hope all is well with you :)
ReplyDeleteSo glad you stopped by Anne. Thanks for your comment, all is well here. Hope you have a super day!
DeletePeer pressure does continue even into adulthood. My brother has this pressure at work too like your husband, and he continues to stay true to himself, and I think they all love him for it.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading your wonderful post, I often was reminded of the saying: 'you can count the true friends in life with your fingers'. And when it comes to the people you know, it's just that - the few people that will stand with you in thick and thin. Sometimes it's not easy to find the right friends, especially for teens, but when you do, your life is so rewarded. And what better example of friendship than the teachings from Jesus and his miraculous works. Love your post.
ReplyDeleteHave a great week :)